To be a woman…

A friend of mine recently blogged about her wanting to become a man just to solve a few things… Like our fascination with lesbians. mmmmmm lesbians.

Lesbians are so awesome! I once saw two girls kissing in a bar and… oops.

Like I was saying, my friend had a few questions she wanted to figure out herself. Like our fascination with lesbians. mmmmm lesbians.

Lesb…. just kidding

That got me thinking about what it would be like to be a woman. I’ve got questions too!

1. Why is it when you say you’re ready it takes another 10 minutes?

2. Shoes… why do you need so many?

3. The orgasm… from what I’ve read it’s supposed to be better. This isn’t fair, in fact it’s bull shit! So yeah, I wanna experience that too.

4. Child birth… They say it’s painful. I’m going to be bold and say it’s all been one big lie to guilt men into pretty much everything. It’s a conspiracy and I would like to resolve the issue once and for all!

5. Dancing – Women can dance with their best friends an it isn’t weird. How great is that? If I were to dance all sexy like with my best friend, we’d both be beaten to a bloody pulp out in the back alley.

6. The restraint! Your bodies are so beautiful, why aren’t you looking at yourself naked 24/7?

It has been decided…

My dog has a name and his name just happens to be a reference to the manliest fuckin’ man that has ever lived… To say his name just begs an insert of “fuckin” between his first and last name. That is of course Bruce “fuckin” Campbell.

The reference?

Brisco

Look it up.

Batman and Robin were lovers? The Joker was obsessed with Boners?

I could only imagine what happened next. The other three super heros look over at Batman... and then an awkward silence

I could only imagine what happened next. The other three super heros look over at Batman... and then an awkward silence

Boner crimes are wrong

Boner crimes are wrong

Ewwwwww

Ewwwwww


Thongs are considered trophies? Okay, lets say that those thongs do belong to some woman. Lets say he does keep them, and ummm chews on them. I guess that's okay, but why would you tell Robin this?

Thongs are considered trophies? Okay, lets say that those thongs do belong to some woman. Lets say he does keep them, and ummm chews on them. I guess that's okay, but why would you tell Robin this?


hehe, boner...

hehe, boner...


ohhh so it was Gotham that started the boner obsession.

ohhh so it was Gotham that started the boner obsession.


obviously a fake, but I thought it was funny.

obviously a fake, but I thought it was funny.

karaoke Guynonymous Style! – I Will Survive


At first I was afraid, I was petrified.
When you said you had 10 inches, Lord I almost died!
But I ‘ d spent so many years just waiting for a man that long, That I grew strong, and I knew that I could take you on…
But there you are, another lie,
I was ready for a Big Mac and you ‘ ve brought me a French fry!
I should have known that it was bullshit,  just a sad pathetic dream

Should have known there was no Anaconda lurking in those Jeans!

Go on now-go! , Walk out the door,
Don ‘ t you promise me 10 inches, then turn up with only 4!
Weren ‘ t you a brat to think I wouldn ‘ t find you out!?
Don ‘ t you know we ‘ re only joking when we say size don ‘ t count??!!

[Chorus]

I will survive! I will survive!
Cuz as long as I have batteries,
My sex life ‘ s gonna thrive!
I will always have good sex,
With a handful of latex!
I will survive! I will survive! Hey! Hey!

It took all my self control not to laugh out loud,
When I saw your little weiner standing tall and proud!
But to hell with your ego and to hell with all your needs,

Now I ‘ m saving all my lovin ‘ for a cordless multispeed!

[Chorus]

I will survive! I will survive!
Cuz as long as I have batteries,
My se x life ‘ s gonna thrive!
I will always have good sex,
With a handful of latex!
I will survive! I will survive! Hey! Hey!

Comic Relief….

Megan Fox having a lesbian relationship isn’t a news story

Seems every news site I visit the last couple days has been talking about Megan Fox. She admitted she once had a relationship with a female stripper. HOLY BALLS!

I say holy balls with sarcasm… who really gives a shit? Is having a lesbian or gay relationship really that bad? Sex is sex… it isn’t news.

But she was a stripper too! Big deal… I have some shocking news… strippers are people too! They aren’t the soulless demons you might think they are. I’ve been to strip bars before, and have actually talked to them. They didn’t steal my soul or anything… they’re just people trying to make some money… they take their clothes off… that’s it! I’m sure there are worst things to do for money.

California woman is auctioning her virginity!

A 22 year old girl enrolled at Sacramento State University is auctioning off her virginity to help her with her studies. The actual deed will be done at the Bunny Ranch in Nevada so the act will be legal…

Imagine if we all did this… My first time wouldn’t have been so bad if I had made a few bucks out of the deal… That is why I have decided to auction off my virgin ass. I reserve the bid at ten million dollars, and also… the winner must have a really really small penis.

The proceeds will go towards therapy and then helping my friends and family